


Confessions of the Past

by Lady_Sci_Fi



Series: A Life Together [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:52:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17814467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: Sarah and the Doctor have a talk about past relationships and what they mean.





	Confessions of the Past

 Sarah rolled over off the Doctor and onto her back, breathless as their minds slowly separated from each other’s. She lazily raised her arm enough for her hand to rest on the man’s wild sweat-dampened hair as he kissed across her bare chest. She giggled as his hair tickled the side of her neck.

 It took her a moment longer to come down from the blissful high before she could make a coherent thought. “You know… the first time we did this telepathic connection during sex, I said that you’d spoiled me for anyone else.”

 The Doctor hummed and raised his head to look at her. “I do recall you saying that, yes. Although… you may have been a touch delirious at the time.”

 Sarah grinned. “Maybe I was, but…” she sighed. “That doesn’t mean it didn’t turn out to be true.”

 The Doctor sensed a serious note in her voice, despite her happy expression, and he laid back against the pillows, one hand under his head. His other arm went around Sarah’s shoulders as she turned onto her side and scooted up to see him properly.

 “Tell me?” the Timelord quietly requested.

 Sarah glanced over him to their wedding rings on his bedside table. Then her gaze moved back to his blue one. “You really want to know?”

 “If you’re willing to tell, yes.”

 “Well…” Sarah bit her lip in thought. “Before I say anything more, none of this is me wishing otherwise, got it?”

 “Got it.”

 Sarah blew out a breath, and her finger made absentminded swirling patterns on the man’s chest. “Mike was an… attentive lover.”

 “Mike? Our Mike Yates?”

 Sarah nodded. “A good while after we separated. There was always an attraction, and I’d… I’d begun to feel lonely. And before you ask, Benton was more than fine with it.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “It wasn’t really a proper relationship, more just friends with benefits.”

 The Doctor didn’t verbally respond, simply nodding his acceptance.

 “Anyway, I eventually came to think that it wasn’t fair to him. After that… I suppose I stopped trying, really.”

 “Was that an active choice on your part?”

 Sarah shook her head. “I don’t think so. I suppose I’d just stopped caring about that. Maybe it was acceptance, or I didn’t trust anyone else with me in that way.” She chuckled softly. “Didn’t stop others from being interested, though. I think even Josh was, the poor mad young man. Always trying to keep my attention and praise, despite my… my insecurities.”

 The Doctor’s hand gently rubbed at Sarah’s shoulder, and her hand on his chest stilled.

 “Then there was Peter.”

 The Doctor nodded, having had briefly heard about this man from Clyde before their wedding. This was the first time Sarah had brought him up.

 Sarah frowned and stared at the Doctor’s chest. “And with him, I can’t even know if anything after the initial attraction was real. I said I loved him, but would I have, if I had been in my right mind? There’s too much to try to figure out with that. I eventually decided I didn’t love him, I hadn’t loved him.” She looked up to him, and smiled, “Then you came back, and everything felt right again.” She smirked, “Like I said, you spoiled me. And I am so very glad you did.”

 “I see.”

 Sarah blew out a long breath, and laid half on him to draw him into a kiss. When they pulled apart a moment after, Sarah prompted, “Your turn.”

 “My turn?” The Doctor’s brow furrowed in confusion.

 “If there’s anything you want to tell me about your companions after me. I mean, I know you’ve already said that nothing romantic or sexual happened with them, but you haven’t mentioned them much otherwise.”

 “I suppose you’re right.”

 “Is that because you’re afraid I’d be upset or jealous? Because I’m not.”

 The Timelord breathed deeply in thought. “Well, I might have mentioned that they were uninvited.”

 Sarah nodded. “You said I’m the only one you did invite, and Harry doesn’t count, because that was only supposed to be a quick trip to the moon to prove the idea to him.”

 “Exactly. So to say I wasn’t pleased with them being there, especially when I wanted to get back to you, by myself if I could manage it… Anyway, Leela… she had her value in our adventures, of course. She was an interesting person. But, I’ll admit, I wasn’t quite as… concerned with her well-being as I had been with yours. Then when she decided to leave, I barely said good-bye. I didn’t feel much, other than a shallow sense that I would miss the company.”

 The Doctor moved his hand from behind his head to push Sarah’s hair behind her ear. “Romana was brilliant in her own way. But, when the Timelords eventually wanted her back, and requested I do return her, I saw no reason not to do so. She wasn’t happy about that. She wanted me- expected me to fight them so she could stay with me.”

 Sarah gave a teasing little grin. “You, not take a chance to rebel against the Timelords?”

 The Doctor returned the grin for a second before his expression became serious and focused as he shook his head. “Not for her.”

 He said it so intensely, and Sarah also heard an unspoken statement underneath.

 “Perhaps it wasn’t fair to either of them,” The Doctor’s expression softened as he mused. “That you were in my thoughts so often while they were with me.” He inhaled deeply through his nose, and his expression became solemn. “During what I believed to be the end, all I desired was to have seen you again. Even if only once would’ve been all I had been allowed.”

 “And then you came to me,” Sarah warmly stated.

 “Yes, indeed I did. My final desire came true, in a way far better than I expected.”

 Sarah snorted lightly. “What a right pair we make.”

 “A most correct pair.” The Doctor’s teeth showed brightly with his sly grin.

 Sarah laughed. “You know that’s not what I meant, but I do suppose you’re right.”

 The Doctor made a pouty face, and joked, “When have you known me not to be?”

 “I’ll need more than two hands to count,” Sarah retorted.

 The Doctor’s hand dropped to his chest in a mock-expression of hurt. “You wound me with your words.”

 “Silly man,” Sarah muttered. She moved back to lay on her side and snuggle against him. She breathed several times, before saying, “I did think about what might’ve happened if we hadn’t separated.”

 “Oh?” the Doctor replied in a soft breath to her forehead.

 “I mean, maybe… maybe separating was a good thing in some way. Not for as long as we were, because we both agree that was far too long.” Sarah stopped to get her thoughts in order.

 The Doctor nodded, understanding what she was getting at.

 Sarah continued, “What if, as result of us never having separated, I’d never found Luke, or met Maria, Clyde, and Rani? It’s hard to imagine not having them in my life.”

 “Or perhaps we still would have found them. Contemplating alternate futures and timelines… now that is a dangerous road to go down. You can never really know.”

 Sarah grinned and teased, “Not even you, being a Timelord and all?”

 “Not even me… on occasion,” the man teased back. He began to trail his fingers up and down the length of Sarah’s arm, over where a long scar had been, a now-erased reminder of an incident that had nearly taken Sarah’s life several years before. “I try not to think of such things.”

 Sarah shivered at the action, but didn’t move her arm away or ask him to stop.

 The Doctor tilted her head up so their eyes could meet. He warmly smiled. “You said I had spoiled you for anyone else, but the reverse is also true.”

 Sarah beamed at him, and scooted up enough to kiss his jaw.

 “I think this little chat has made one thing clear to me.” The Doctor paused to build up suspense.

 “Well?” Sarah prompted when he didn’t say anything for several seconds.

 The Doctor took Sarah’s hand and watched as he interlaced their fingers. “We both quickly knew that there was no possible replacement for the other in our lives. Whether that be in the romantic, friend, or travelling companion role. And certainly not for all three combined.”

 “Yeah…” Sarah sighed. “For better or worse, I knew.” She squeezed his hand. “And carried that with me my whole life.” She failed to suppress a yawn, and laid her head on the Doctor’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 The Doctor draped his arm around her middle, and kissed Sarah’s brow. “Neither would I.”


End file.
